I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
