I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
