I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
