Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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