I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
