Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
