Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
