Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
