Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
