you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
