Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i love accidental penises.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
