Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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