i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
