Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
