Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
