margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Floor bacon is actually really good
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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