im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
