meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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