I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
