My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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