I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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