This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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