Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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