When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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