Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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