How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
