If that was your dad, he is hot
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
