The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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