hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
