sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
