You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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