Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
