He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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