lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
