Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
