I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
