Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
