my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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