She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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