We won't sleep together?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
