Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
