Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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