some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
