I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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