I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
