Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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