So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
