Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
