So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
