it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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