I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
