return my video game
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
