Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
