I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
