Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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