I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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